After months of investigation, testing and experimentation, workers have finally pinned down the source of the sulfuric smells plaguing Casey Middle School.
In a memo to the Boulder Valley School District Board, Superintendent Messinger briefly described the findings. “We snaked a camera through the sewer system and caught sight of a something looking right back at us. It was neither man nor beast, but a creature of unspeakable evil. We will provide more detail to the board leadership at an upcoming agenda-setting meeting.”
One of the technicians on site when the remote scoping device was deployed, and who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that staff were speculating that the deep excavation required for the geothermal system at Casey, installed to bring the building up to LEED-Platinum standards, may have punctured the layer of bedrock that separates the Land of the Living from the Hellhole. “That sulfur smell is not simply stinky student sewer gas,” she said, “but Lucifer’s actual gas.”
“Lucifer’s Gas” is now the name of a band formed by the middle school’s 8th grade boys.
This post originally appeared in the 2015 April Fool’s issue of the Blue Line.
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