News, Analysis and Opinion for the Informed Boulder Resident
Saturday December 14th 2019

Support the Blue Line

Subscribe to the Blue Line

That's what she said

city council transportation energy municipalization xcel housing urban planning april fools bicycles climate action density election 2011 affordable housing boulder county open space election renewables agriculture CU local food climate change election 2013 development youth jefferson parkway pedestrian election 2015 preservation Rocky Flats election 2017 recreation BVSD mountain bikes immigration boards and commissions plan boulder farming fracking GMOs transit urban design decarbonization planning board fires colorado politics wildlife land use smart regs downtown architecture new era colorado transit village parking homeless journalism plutonium natural gas ghgs commuting radioactive waste rental coal height limits taxes april fools 2015 walkability historic preservation energy efficiency historic district Neighborhoods diversity zoning population growth growth students North Boulder flood arts gardens education University Hill water supply bus election 2010 solar election 2018 nutrition RTD sprawl water quality election 2012 groundwater bike lane electric utility safety library april fools 2016 renewable energy affairs of the heart organic flood plain wetlands planning reserve zero waste mayor blue line electric vehicle ballot right-sizing street design transportation master plan obama hazardous waste county commissioners politics hogan-pancost longmont colorado legislature climate smart loan diagonal plaza campaign finance flood mitigation bears Mapleton solar panels PV recycling comprehensive plan golden conservation easement epa boulder junction pesticide congestion food drought road diet oil bus rapid transit commercial development inequality election 2016 flooding planning daily camera public health community cycles BVCP ecocycle Newlands automobile PUC climate change deniers children david miller ken wilson sam weaver community league of women voters wind power public spaces boulder creek crime mlk civil rights west tsa marijuana technology arizona Orchard Grove EV green points al bartlett Whittier city attorney

Area Man Surprised By DNA Ancestry Results


By

photo by ibbl (from flickr creative commons https://flic.kr/p/bqwyzt)

Daniel N. Arbuckle, a new adopter of the latest fad in genealogy, DNA testing,  got some surprising results the other day.  Mr. Arbuckle found a low-cost home test kit at Amazon.com that promised quick turnaround and highly accurate results. He sent in his sample and 21 days later received a report tabulating his ancestry.

Mr. Arbuckle explained, while scratching his ear, “I was expecting to see mostly Northern European DNA with perhaps some Mediterranean and African DNA in there too. I was really  hoping that they’d find that I’m part Neanderthal—I was excited at the prospect of being maybe something different that your average human, but I never expected this.”

It turns out that the hirsute Mr. Arbuckle is 70% dachshund, 20% rottweiler and 10% pomeranian, a combination that, to the unbiased observer, might explain his constant sniffing. “It just allergies,” Mr. Arbuckle argued. “I’m sure there must be some mistake,” he growled as he scooted across the carpet.

“There must have been a mix up at the …” Mr. Arbuckle started to assert, but lost his train of thought when he noticed two squirrels playing in a tree outside the window.

Unable to regain his composure, Mr. Arbuckle ended the interview.


This post originally appeared in the 2015 April Fool’s issue of the Blue Line.

Rate this article: 1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading...

What do you think? Leave a comment!

You must be logged in to post a comment.