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Saturday April 20th 2019

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That's what she said

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Area Man Surprised By DNA Ancestry Results


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photo by ibbl (from flickr creative commons https://flic.kr/p/bqwyzt)

Daniel N. Arbuckle, a new adopter of the latest fad in genealogy, DNA testing,  got some surprising results the other day.  Mr. Arbuckle found a low-cost home test kit at Amazon.com that promised quick turnaround and highly accurate results. He sent in his sample and 21 days later received a report tabulating his ancestry.

Mr. Arbuckle explained, while scratching his ear, “I was expecting to see mostly Northern European DNA with perhaps some Mediterranean and African DNA in there too. I was really  hoping that they’d find that I’m part Neanderthal—I was excited at the prospect of being maybe something different that your average human, but I never expected this.”

It turns out that the hirsute Mr. Arbuckle is 70% dachshund, 20% rottweiler and 10% pomeranian, a combination that, to the unbiased observer, might explain his constant sniffing. “It just allergies,” Mr. Arbuckle argued. “I’m sure there must be some mistake,” he growled as he scooted across the carpet.

“There must have been a mix up at the …” Mr. Arbuckle started to assert, but lost his train of thought when he noticed two squirrels playing in a tree outside the window.

Unable to regain his composure, Mr. Arbuckle ended the interview.


This post originally appeared in the 2015 April Fool’s issue of the Blue Line.

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