News, Analysis and Opinion for the Informed Boulder Resident
Thursday January 23rd 2020

Support the Blue Line

Subscribe to the Blue Line

That's what she said

city council transportation energy municipalization xcel housing urban planning april fools bicycles climate action density election 2011 affordable housing boulder county open space election renewables agriculture CU local food climate change election 2013 development youth jefferson parkway pedestrian election 2015 preservation Rocky Flats election 2017 recreation BVSD mountain bikes immigration boards and commissions plan boulder farming fracking GMOs transit urban design decarbonization planning board fires colorado politics wildlife land use smart regs downtown architecture new era colorado transit village parking homeless journalism plutonium natural gas ghgs commuting radioactive waste rental coal height limits taxes april fools 2015 walkability historic preservation energy efficiency historic district Neighborhoods diversity zoning population growth growth students North Boulder flood arts gardens education University Hill water supply bus election 2010 solar election 2018 nutrition RTD sprawl water quality election 2012 groundwater bike lane electric utility safety library april fools 2016 renewable energy affairs of the heart organic flood plain wetlands planning reserve zero waste mayor blue line electric vehicle ballot right-sizing street design transportation master plan obama hazardous waste county commissioners politics hogan-pancost longmont colorado legislature climate smart loan diagonal plaza campaign finance flood mitigation bears Mapleton solar panels PV recycling comprehensive plan golden conservation easement epa boulder junction pesticide congestion food drought road diet oil bus rapid transit commercial development inequality election 2016 flooding planning daily camera public health community cycles BVCP ecocycle Newlands automobile PUC climate change deniers children david miller ken wilson sam weaver community league of women voters wind power public spaces boulder creek crime mlk civil rights west tsa marijuana technology arizona Orchard Grove EV green points al bartlett Whittier city attorney

Automobilist Wins “Automobile Commuter of the Year” Award


By

Mr. Moriarty, Automobilist of the Year

Dedicated local automobilist Jay Moriarty has been named Boulder’s “Automobile Commuter of the Year” for his committed use of the car for all his transportation needs. Three years ago Moriarty’s concern for the world’s oil companies convinced him to give up his bus pass, sell his bicycle, throw out his sneakers, and start driving everywhere as an example to others. “Jay is truly an inspiration,” says his friend Leslie Toun. “He’ll drive even when it makes no sense, like to the corner store or when he knows parking will be almost impossible. He definitely deserves this award.”

Moriarty spends $9,000 a year on his car, about average for an American automobilist.  He’s had to forego vacations and buying a house as a result, but he says it’s worth it.  “Sometimes when I think about the money, or when I’m stuck in traffic, or when I see how much weight I’ve gained from a completely sedentary mode of transport, driving almost seems nuts,” he said.  “But this award gives me a new sense of resolve.  And I know it’s really not for me – it’s for automobilists everywhere.”


Editor’s note: This post originally appeared in the April Fools Edition of the Blue Line (4/1/2011).


Rate this article: 1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Reader Feedback

One Response to “Automobilist Wins “Automobile Commuter of the Year” Award”

  1. […] Automobilist Jay Moriarty Wins “Automobile Commuter of the Year” Award.  His unwavering commitment to this relic of the 20th century has no doubt warmed the hearts of oil company shareholders and petro-dictators worldwide. This entry was posted in linkstream and tagged boulder, cars, oil, satire, transportation. Bookmark the permalink. ← Daily Camera: “Ride your bike more often” […]

What do you think? Leave a comment!

You must be logged in to post a comment.